PART 2 – THE SIDE

I was up super early on Day 2, and after a brief breakfast headed to the meeting place. But not before stopping for a coffee. “One flat white please” I said. The man looked at me stupidly. Do you want a long or short espresso, white or black? Right mate, I’ll teach you, then gave the barista a “how to make coffee lesson” before boarding the tour bus to Jerusalem.

The tour started completely differently to the previous day, with our first stop at some divvy Elvis bar. The tour guide was a 7 language speaking sleazy Israeli guy. From the outset the youth of the country isn’t something that is mentioned. It is the fact that the Jews are getting back what was theirs from thousands of years ago. He showed us the 9/11 memorial which to me seemed weird (why any country needs a memorial for something that happened outside theirs and not specifically involving that country is strange, but each to their own i.e. France). Then we were shown the wall from a distance, which was built in 2000, spanning over 700kms it was built to protect the Israeli people from terrorists and suicide bombers (none of which I saw yesterday), however these are the words of my tour guide. He also advised that this wall is the first time that Palestinians were actually recognised and given their own country. I’m unsure at this point, why this man hasn’t been given a medal. The other thing I’m unsure of, is that if the Jews were there thousands of years ago, where were the Muslims? This is answered to me at out next stop – the Jerusalem old town.

Going through Jerusalem old town I was in awe by the history. There is an element of craziness as you see the Jews, Muslims and Christians living harmoniously, and crossing over in to each other’s quarters.

We started off in the Armenian quarter which was stunning, the women WOW! Upon our arrival to the Jewish section we were greeted by a middle age Jewish woman losing her marbles because some of the girls in our group had just walked through the gates and were yet to pop their shawls on to cover their shoulders. We had just passed security so our tour guide was like, "rack off crazy lady.. calm your farm!" – well at least, that’s what I think our guide said to her! I was showing my defiance by wearing a shawl with sculls and flowers / actually it’s just the only one I own. We then went on to the Western Wall, which I thought was called the Weeping wall as everyone was crying and touchy touchy intense… mindful that Jesus was Jewish I was respectful, however I’m Christian and therefore was happy to keep my distance and let them do their crying touchy touchy thingy.

We meandered through to the Muslim section, and through the stations where Jesus carried the cross as we went towards the Christian section. The markets, falafel, clothes and scent - everything felt Middle Eastern.

I felt again al tingly and close to my home boy when going past the stations where Jesus fell carrying the cross. Our next stop, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre was breath taking. Created in 300 AD, the church is over the tomb where Jesus is believed to have been  buried. I again skipped the line to see the Sepulchre and went to another tomb, where it is also rumoured to be a potential burial site. I felt nothing except claustrophobic there though. 

We were given free time, so I tried to see every corner of the church and made my way up the stairs (the one without the massive Filipino worshipper line up. I bought a candle and said a prayer and tried to have a moment to myself in the crowd, praying to Nonna to bring me a hot, single 6'4 man with brown hair and blue eyes... just joking ;-)

Later we were taken to all the overrated expensive tourist traps by our dodgy tour guide that took us to his mates place for commission. I got over his marriage requests and started openly mocking him.

We then hopped on the bus for our trip to the Dead Sea. Don't ask me about the scenery. I spent most of my time catching up on sleep. 

Descending towards the Dead Sea, I looked for the familiarity of someone I knew from the group to mind my things. Namely there was no way my Breitling was going for a swim in 10 x stronger than normal salt water salt water. I was lucky to spot an American couple from the tour the day before. They too had had a different tour this day than yesterday. We decided that floating in the sea we couldn’t solve the world’s problems nor figure it all out, except I did say perhaps it would be better for the world if Trump stayed off twitter. Andrew replied ‘he did broker a deal with the nuke man’… this is the second time in two days I’d heard such a thing, the first time was the Spaniard yesterday. I myself didn’t have the heart to explain that Hitler himself committed  to then British PM Neville Chamberlain that he would not invade Czechoslovakia and on September 1938 he did just that starting WW2.

Feeling 10 years younger I was super tired and messaged the Aussie born Prague living guy i'd met the previous night to see if he was keen for dins. We went to a place local and ordered the largest pizza I’ve ever eaten. I called it early as was super tired from two 6am starts in a row.

The next morning I decided to do a brunch date so headed local for some eggs Bene. It was one of those places where you left your name on a list even though there were still available seats visible, and they made you wait anyway. This was when I saw the aforementioned plain clothed, automatic gun man... Not necessary at breaky dude! Also, the place was like Starbucks and stuffed my name ( I broke my own rule and gave them my actual name), so I lost my space in the queue and some other guy who hadn’t waited near as long was given a table first. Super hangry I told them this was absurd and they were going to then make the guy wait longer, then I forced myself on him and was like “I’m sure we can sit together!” Turns out Nico was Italian, it was his last day in Tel Aviv, and we had a lovely breaky together where we talked mostly about our Nonnas. Nico still had his so I was super jealous.

After breaky I tested my luck to see if I could check in to the nice hotel early and got there at midday. I was in luck. And almost instantaneously put my bikini on and hit the pool deck. I asked for a cocktail and was given a tequila based cocktail on the house. Again, a first. That night I treated myself to the second best rated restaurant in Tel Aviv. You can read my review here: https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/ShowUserReviews-g293984-d10101992-r578973776-Salva_Vida-Tel_Aviv_Tel_Aviv_District.html#SHOW_USER_REVIEW  the only reason they got 3 stars was because of the free tequila shot.

Jaffas crappy flea market

The next morning I got up early to walk to Jaffa and check it out. Dirty and average after you’ve seen the Jerusalem old town. Think it is meant to be like the edgy Brunswick vibe, but I found it more North End Road. I headed back, watched some surfing and then did some more baking before booking my GET to the airport.

I arrived at the airport and joined a massive queue. Whilst I had carry on size bags, I decided as I was so early I would join the queue and check in my liquids rather than line up. I was told by my housemate that security going in was strict and he got questioned quite a bit. Well I walked straight in, the security officer didn’t even ask me where I was staying. It was the complete opposite when I was leaving however. First the lady saw my Turkey stamps – when did you go to Turkey, why did you go to Turkey, who did you go to Turkey with. Where did you stay? “I was sailing on a yacht, we stopped at many places, went on a Medsailors tour”. Then the eagle eyed lady spotted my Morroco stamp! ‘why were you in Morocco, where did you go, who did you go with?’ Me: “I went with 6 friends… she ‘’name the friends” me: “Bianca, Tosh, Robbie, Ben, then there was me, then I can’t remember the sixth person!” Sorry Nev, the pressure!!! How could I forget Nev?!

10 years Younger?

Tel Aviv

Boarding the plane I myself was a bit taken aback when I was asked to move seats as a Jewish man didn’t want to sit next to a woman. Made me say out loud, it is 2018 and reminded me having been in Dublin last week that next week is a big date for them – to vote for abortion, for vote for female rights. I am Catholic, and I have myself walked out of mass when the sermon by the priest was about living the ‘Catholic way’ and ‘if anyone you know is thinking of having an abortion’ you should guide them. What I say to that is who cares what some old Indian priest says about a woman’s body? Please sort out the indiscretion of the Catholic Church themselves before you preach to me or other women in your sermon. Perhaps extremists in all religions and walks of lives should realise it is the 21^st century and time to move on, get a new hairstyle and suit while you are at it old mate and no worries, I didn’t need a ‘thank-you’ for moving chairs, however general manners should be taught regardless.

Weird place, though I had a ball. I say 100% if you are heading to Tel Aviv, you must MUST make at least a day trip to Jerusalem to see the Old town and if you can, get to Palestine, it is so Middle Eastern compared and the people were all super friendly. See what you too think about it all. 5 spuds.