The United States of Awesome - Pre Mexican Wall and H-Bomb

Three years in London and what better way to spend my anniversary than flying over my new home city and landing to a cool 9 degrees and slushy snow? Three years in the land of the monarchy, where coffee has only legitimately existed for the last three years, where escalator etiquette is at its finest where the average summer temperature is 19 degrees. Yay me X 3 !


So much world news, Assad being a dick, Trump being a bigger wanker than usual, and Kim Jong Un is threatening to drop some H-Bombs = it’s all happening. So it was timed perfectly to take off to the centre of the universe and self-proclaimed leader of the western world – the United States of Awesome.



Miami Penthouse

All exciting times the last few weeks... I’ve been aggressively sick with Asthma, but persevered through with some whinging, turboing through Miami, Mexico and Coachella as a weapon of massive consumption. To give some insight in to my holiday lead up, I was quite busy at work and didn’t end up organising the middle portion of my trip till I arrived in Miami. I was just too busy, and so my last minute FOMO holiday was super unorganised, apart from transferring Boom Boom some coin for my ticket; I still hadn’t worked out if I was headed to Canadia or somewhere else in the states. What I did decide was that I didn’t want to be with people I didn’t know or make new friends, so that cancelled somewhere else in the states – especially when I couldn’t get some steal of a deals to visit Caz or Meat Axe. So, I decided to fly to Mexico post Miami and see Boom Boom and Meady.

 

Heat Game w/ Bec!

First up was Miami - meeting up with my fav ginger ninja and one third of the Fulham BFF’s , culminating in two thirds of the BFF’s and double the fun whilst the other third of our Partay slumbered up with both Becs and my Familias in Oz. To give you some idea of the shenanigan’s - think two penthouses, a Miami Heat basketball game on arrival, copious cocktails and a coconut bong made by a Colombian we met Uber Pooling. Miami was next level.




Wynward

One half of our Colombian Carpool

Everything is larger than life; the people, the boobs on show, the booty, the alcohol slushies and the pizzas.  Cue – Do not to leave the pizza ordering up to me, especially when I am hungry. Three separate deliveries of 5 extra-large pizzas later we were due a hangover and skipped the morning Flywheel for some poolside action. Speaking of Flywheel- I broke my Flywheel cherry, and had a great class, busting out my lungs I was super impressed with the class - mainly by GinjaNinja’s ability to flog the pants off everyone else in the class and equal parts really confused.. I.e. I didn’t know Torque was gears, nor did I realise there were like 50 gears on a bike, so hence my confusion. The second class was much better, I felt like my lungs were actually getting better by this stage – but then again the partying was only just starting. We had a final cultural day at Wynward and an emo goodbye before I took off for Mexico.  





Mick, Me, Ryza & Tim from the Gym

I was bloody exhausted when I landed in Mexico, the hour or so kip in the transfer vehicle to Playa Del Carman helped and I arrived to very confused hotel staff and Mick explaining that I was his wife – Peter Boylan (who actually is Mick’s dad). I was equally confused as I thought Meady was in Mexico but no, I was given a Prosecco, added to Mr Shawn’s booking (Shawy) and guided to the pool to meet the other two passed out accompanying holiday guests – one of whom Tim from the Gym bore a striking resemblance with Bernie from Weekend at Bernies. It was fair to say the all-inclusive resort was a bit of a nice to have, especially when we were given a blow up pineapple for the pool. The first night we went out I wore my Batman top and met a bunch of superheroes - that ended up chasing Boom Boom down the street as we didn't pay for our photos - here I was expecting it to be normal to be dressed up as a superhero as I was! I organised the second day to go to Tulum with the other dude – DJ Ryza, who was mildly more sensible than the others and became my most trustworthy travel companion - which is weird – as he is a Richmond supporter, and we all know they suck (just joking MUM!!!).



The final night we paid $70 to go to some theatre club place that Boom Boom recommended, with pre-drinks at a place that made me dance on tables for my free tequila shot (that is the story I am sticking with) we were taking a chance as we had pretty much got kicked out of there the night before as we both accidently broke glasses! Anyhow the club was pretty squish and sweet and I decided to get my monies worth of included drinks as did the others. It wasn’t too long before the others had all got kicked. Actually Boom Boom got kicked out before the show started, then Shawy left sympathetically, then Tim from the Gym went to look for them, then he got dragged out and then it was just Ryza and i. I think he got himself deliberately kicked out so he didn’t have to babysit me. Regardless we all made it back in time to the hotel just in time for our 3:30am transfer to the airport to board our separate flights to LAX.

Coachella Crew, Canada, USA & Aussie Represent

This flight was probably up there with one of the worst. I was so cold for three and a half hours, and suffering the onset of a hangover. I was relieved to land, but so anxious about getting through Trump’s borders that I was glad I had invested in my manicure and didn’t feel the need to bite my nice nails to the tip. I was out of the airport in lightning speed (It helps when you flirt with immigration staff I find.) I waited bloody two hours for the boys before I succumbed to the need for internet and logged on to see Boom Boom had told me Budget rentals and they had gone to a different company. All was forgiven when they arrived in a Paedo White van with 6 In-&-Out Burgers, fries and thick shakes. Then begun Boom Boom’s awesome driving to Coachella. If anyone has been in the car with Boom Boom – you will understand. I think if he were an Uber driver he would have a great rating for personality but terrible one for jerking vehicle, erratic throttle usage and vibration from the side line that notifies you that you are swaying. Anyhow we arrived in one piece, full and entertained.   

 

I know most of my trip is about Coachella; however it is probably the thing I have the least to write about. The house was much fun, with a lovely pool, cramming 14 majority new friends in to the 8 bed place. One night Shawy was worried he couldn’t find Meady and I found him sleeping in the laundry! Coachella itself was such an awesome environment, like a new fun planet with circular dancing and colourful characters. I decided on Day 2 after having an amazing dance to Two Door Cinema club, that I would never go to slow music again, and I suddenly regretted wasting my time seeing / sleeping to Radiohead when there were other DJs I should have been dancing to ( It didn’t help that I suffered badly Day1 from sunstroke and vomited during The XX), concurrently Bon Ivor was thrown to the scrap pile and instead I saw Martin Garrix, Royksopp, Tove Lo, Hans Zimmer, lady Gaga, and so many

Boom Boom, Meady & I

other cool cool acts and I haven’t even mentioned my favourite place - The Simone tent – which was a 30m circumference cooled tent of house music!  It came to the final day and I broke my own rule, but it was justified for Kendrick Lamar’s new album, gladly made it post Humble to see the back end of Rufus and Boom Boom dancing on stage with him (this was actually funny cos Ryza goes, Mick is at Do Lab somewhere, and I was like ‘he is probably on stage with him knowing Mick and then I saw his rude leggings ha-ha).

The next morning I was picked up by my lovely new Boisey based friends Leah and Halle who came armed with bags of McDonalds breakfast for Ryza and I (the former of whom was coming off a high from watching the Tigers win whilst I had a glorious sleep). I squeezed in the back for the journey back to LA and slept most of the way to their mate Chris’s house. Chris is too cool not to mention. He has yellow hair

Chris, me, Halle & Leah

and a whole bloody music production studio in his house. We all semi unpacked the vehicle and went to Venice Beach for some people watching and lunch before heading back to Chris’s to meet his friend (who was equally as tall as Chris and much cool also as he had different coloured trainers on each foot). Jorge my Mexican Uber driver picked me up at 6pm to head to LAX. My final airport hours were spent catching up on the basketball playoffs, eating fish tacos and drinking beer. I took a hallucinogen sleeping tablet for my big jet ride out of there and that coupled with two movies saw the 9hr flight dissipate in to nothing. I actually watched the end of a Moonlight which is a very shitty weird movie, took the tablet, skipped my dinner, woke up with less than two hours till I landed then had to choose a short enough movie to watch. I looked out the window in time to see London clear and at its finest but by the time I got the tube to Hammersmith, slushy snow was falling on my shoulder.

 I know people get holiday/life envy from me. I’m not surprised actually my life and holiday times are second to none. But I must say now with all my mates away without me for Nic’s 30^th in Ibiza- some of my FOMO is kicking in again. It’s not like me to stay home and relax. Actually I don’t understand people who enjoy staying home, or having time off to chill at home and relax. I am so bored I am writing this blog / watching TV /trying to organise if I can justify going out ‘just for one’ even though my Asthma is consuming me. Anyhow wallow over… America – apart from the fact you never say “please” and your President is a C U Next Tuesday...  two thumbs up (in a V the wrong way round)!