the winner is...

The blog is almost dead I’m afraid. I thought I was going to keep it going when I moved home, but alas have failed miserably. Thankfully have a Londres reunion planned in a couple of weeks and another Greko sail so may get my groove back thereafter.

Thought I’d fill you all in on my Australia Settlement… or unsettlement instead. I can’t remember where we left off, but the first thing was the decision to move to Sydney. I had a job interview up there and quite enjoyed my time in Sydney so decided to focus a move there. On one of the journeys to Sydney for interviews Ally came up and my mate Cuddles was over from Canada (he may have starred in an earlier blog, whereby we met on Tinder in London and he goes ‘I know you, we’ve met before, you were a real bitch’… anyhow fast forward 5 years and we are still mates). Anyhow turns out Meady was in town so we went out on the town and partied that night. Ally and I got up and did the hike Coogee to Bondi (we attempted to do it on Day 1 and made it as far as Bronte from Bondi as we both had hangovers, so Day 2 with lessor hangover was far more successful). Ally left and I moved to the city to a place with a rooftop pool cos my mate Whitey was in town for Leppards wedding and was in Sydney trying to get lucky  

Cuddles, me, Meady & Ally

with one of his old housemates (I think he ended up getting lucky and touching her boobs). I broke all of KBs rules and caught up with Girthy. At the time I was watching ‘Ted Bundy conversations’, and one of his ex-girlfriends was saying how Ted used to hold her under the water in the pool and she found it unsettling. I thought Girthy was play fighting on the rooftop pool when he did it to me, but was slightly unsettled when I was standing on the balcony of the rooftop and he goes to me ‘have you heard of Gabe Tostie?’… wowsers. I wasn’t sure what to make of it so returned to my old pattern of ignoring it and playing, part of me wishing I’d not broken my promise to KB to resurrect the old ones.   

Me and Trent

After a few more weeks, and a couple of job offers, I flew to Sydney and stayed two weeks with my old mate Trent and his family while I found somewhere to live. Trent has just moved back from Dublin himself so was fun to hang out with someone familiar. His dad Craig baby, his mum Shaz and their pool cleaner Surge, made me feel at home for the time it took to find somewhere to live. We also went to my first rugby union game that didn’t have Kevin playing in it! Obviously I went for the reds, as I don’t like the Waratahs, cos of Izzy Falou. See I hated him even before this latest furore, as now he isn’t allowed to play at all. I recognised old mate Bernard Foley being all off/on with his conversions from watching the Rugby world cup in England when I was bandwagoning, and sat back enjoying my espresso martinis in the members, not really following much, just trying to count the cost of all the checked shirts and RM Williams boots in the crowd. 

My housemates - Nick & Juz

I had some of the most ridiculous and soul-destroying flat showings. My general response was "thanks, i'll have a think and then let you know" then message through later that I was or wasn't interested. I had already shortlisted two places mentally, when I decided not to stand up this chick for a viewing as I had already rearranged it the day prior. Because she was a lawyer - I had figured she had probably left work early. So I looked at her overpriced ugly ambiance place, complete with a single bed! (yuck I’ve not had one of those since I was 7)… Anyhow, she messaged me straight after and was like “I think looking for a place is really important, but so is having a connection, and sadly I had none with you” what an absolute disaster. Even though I’d seen two great places already, I had another commitment, so with my soul destroyed I went to a place in Kings Cross. I was almost in tears, and the girls offered me a wine and laughed at all my jokes. One worked in my least fav ‘women in construction’ job however – a lolly pop person at a construction site. The most mind numbingly boring job that even men don’t want to do it. They offered me the place straightaway but I was still holding out on Redfern who seemed to take forever to get back to me! Thankfully I got offered all 3 of my shortlists and ended up at my number 1 choice with the most raddest humans everrrrr. The second choice was a dude who was overcharging me rent but he lived in the soulless city.

The night we met Berta!

I’ve moved in to rough and ready Redfern with two amazing housemates, one looks like a poodle whippit cross and the other a glorious show dog, contrary to the fact they look a little alike, they are actually non related lovers from the central coast and shire respectively. My neighbour Sean (Portugese Waterdog) who I met through my housemates was my first non-housemate and not pre-known friend in Sydney (before anyone gets offended, i'm the Staffy in the group chat; so its all in good humour). We walk home from work together some nights from work, abit like me and old Gleddas who used to cycle home together, we have a little routine of relationship dump, work dump and I resort to serial killer podcasts for when i’m walking alone. Very early on in the Sydney piece on a midnight walk home from Newtown I also made another friend - a Spanish girl called Berta, who was super helpful translating when I invited a Spanish bumble date to a party at Sean's! Juz and Nick are hoping I turn lesbian because they love Berta so much. We are very sporatic together and do brunch in the mornings and then hit hippie festivals together on random islands in Sydney, or latino music sessions at Maroubra Caves. 

Ang, Me Brandan, Jessie and Sean at the Dees Sydney Game

I’ve had a blast moving in and getting to know everyone – we have a solid Melrose-place esque network and had a killer housewarming brunch around the pool which Justine did an amazing job of organising, starting and 11am and ending at midnight on a Sunday. There was a special guest appearance by someone from Sticky Fingers who I thought looked like a cross between Tony Mokbel and Ali G. Apparently I was the only one that didn't know who this Dylan Frost was. But alas, I was the only one that could sing along to 'Heavy Heart' by You Am I when he busted out the acoustic. Sean and my other neighbour Brandon and I have bonded over our mutual love of AfL- fact that three of my <10 total Sydney friends are Dees fans. The other dee is Ang- from Radeliade, who I played netball with in London. I’ve bloody loved my time with her again, brunching and being injured together – though her ankle surgery was considerably worse than my twice sprained ankle. Anyway deflecting, it would be remiss to forgot to mention my most recent mates, the lesbians that live under me; which together, me , Justine, Sarah and Jules form the Real House Housewives of Redfern. Though we are actually based in Alexandria.

Lots has happened since moving here. There is a new local haunt, much like the Rylston, but called the Lord Raglan where I go and get drunk and crack on to the young barman called Christian. He has perfect hair. In fact if he didn’t smoke and one day require a button to speak (and reciprocated my advances) I would envisage a bright future. I also promised I would mention Jamie, so here is that mention. He is hot and single, though unfortunately isn’t interested in vaginas. I manage to piss Sarah off every time I go to the pub with her by telling the bar men I only have three friends in Sydney. She then says something along the lines of “what do you call me, chopped liver!? Or is it choc liver? I don’t know I don’t get it, but I know it pisses her off so I always say it for a great reaction.

I no longer talk to Girthy / he no longer talks to me– though for the life of me I don’t know why I do miss the erratic insecurity he added to my life over the last almost 5 years.  It’s like mourning. Since I’ve moved there has been limited potentials - Tennis BF who was named as I met him at the tennis, though he couldn’t be further from a BF. He is like the hottest guy you could imagine that you never want to meet your parents (though I think Lino might like him). Problem is I met him at the tennis –in Melb… and then moved to NSW, also I know he doesn't really give a shit as I said something like “oh I came home and surprised my grandma, want to see a picture?” and he was like “No”. Charming! 

Anyway...so in addition to my own once a week limit chicken parma limit, Justine and Sarah have put a once a week Thai food limit on me AND they have also made me commit to one date a week. So far i've failed dismally to achieve my quota. I've  been on a few dates. In addition to the dude i met at Sean's house party, theres been an Argentinian. He was lovely, but found it hard work translating. I met a guy in Sydney who claimed to be 34 on Bumble, but after he died after a couple of weeks a short google revealed he played under 20s for NSW in 2018… (insert emoji looking mortified here)! It certainly shows I really haven’t learnt my lesson when it comes to the young ones. But anyone that has been playing along all these years – I’ve also caught up with South America tour non boyfriend Rhys a few times, Farley who I met in Montenegro and starred in the "I go, You Go Slavia blog" and also Lee who I met in London and who brought me the most beautiful bunch of my least favourite flowers when I cooked him dinner in Melbs. For all the expectation however - all three I don't see

Rhys and I

Farley and I

enough of! My last date was the most successful so far and he was 20 mins late and I left the place and went for dinner where I wanted to go instead. When he messaged apologising cos he couldn't find a park I grew soft and text him where I was, and he came by. It was great fun so, who knows... maybe he will make the next blog??

Work is full circle all weird again, i.e. working with Multiplex on the new AMP development Quay Quarter Tower. I’m working on a big transaction for a major tenant, that ironically leases the first ever building I built; CBW. The building is one of the largest developments in Sydney CBD at the moment and the little company I work for has a lovely office Barangaroo way which makes for a nice lunchtime view. Sydney itself takes a little bit to get used to. The nights out aren't near as exciting as London and the nightlife is considerably deader due to the lockout laws having a domino affect. Somehow, my FOMO has meant i've managed to keep myself entertained though and my housemates have been rad at keeping me in the loop on all the happenings. 

I joined Virgin Collective – the most luxurious gym membership and I was going great guns, losing the love handles, venturing out, enjoying the dregs of Summer and the mild Winter… until I sprained my ankle and regained the massive love handles almost simultaneously. I was going nuts not working out but utilised the free blow dries at the gym and prosecco on Thursday and Fridays to get the most of my membership while injured and I managed to escape with some sanity, until walking my bike home (because I was too drunk to ride it) and sprained my ankle again. That made me visit the Chiropractor that Ang recommended to me (Dan Gilmore @ Waterloo Chiro). She told me, he used to play footy but I just assumed the Swans, so when in general chat he goes "so in London how did you watch the cats games?" and I said "my friend is a Swans fan, and went halvies in an international membership - but we wanted the cheapest one we could get, which was Freo - but neither of us wanted that so we went for a Geelong one as it was cheaper than the Sydney one... I was well embarrassed when he said "I used to play for Freo!" Face. Palm. 

I’ve been trying to keep up with my pact to myself to travel, so fly back to watch the cats play a few times and flew to RAdelaide to watch the cats lose. I caught up with my primary school friend Jed and Ang’s bestie Kim who I get along with great also, not to mention an old colleague Sheri from my early Multiplex days! I also try and get back to Melbs once a month, to see my friends and fam. I flew back to Melbs to see rents when he was in town and told Sammie unfortunately I wouldn't make her 30th the week after, then thought - yolo and booked a ticket to go back the next weekend. Its much nicer being nearer to everyone and Sophia is the most ridiculously beautiful, independent 2-year-old.  I can’t fathom how grown up she will be at 3! I was lucky enough to get a visit from Bianca, Pettie and Sophia over Easter - Sophia was in her element Easter day simultaneously hoovering down chocolate and the hot chips i'd ordered as I was hungover from the night before as i'd popped my Drain Rave cherry - for those wondering - a rave at some random drain in Alexandria. Anyway, Sophia rarely gets to indulge in sweet treats so she was loving life. She made my day when she requested Spiderman face paint while all the other girls were getting fairies and butterflies!

I have also started an artsy Instagram called Trolleys_of_Redfern_ which I’d told Sean on one of our walks I was going to do out of my disdain for people who think they are super arty and have bullshit art installations or ideas and call it art.  Ironically, I have grown to enjoy the page. We had a bottomless brunch a few weeks ago and Jules bought me insta followers from a far Arabic land… so I started off with almost 1000 followers, though its rapido taking a dive towards the 800 mark! Not all is lost though I’ve managed a cult following of local businesses!

The Melbourne / London Gang

I went to Trents ladies day and wrote myself off by 7pm. After a can of coke the next day I managed a hike to Watsons bay with my housemates and neighbours. My new resolution is to travel more around Sydney, as I have become to enjoy my little niche and forget how much I used to travel across London to do stuff. I also have the bike here now, and need to get back to it. My time of late consists of work, le tour de France, researching adoptable greyhounds and trying to book my next holiday. Feel free to hit me up if you need a travel buddy or are keen on a Xmas getaway somewhere warm or let me know if you are visiting Sydney – I’m lucky to have had the fam up already and I’m always keen to increase my Sydney friend quota!

To end, here's a pic of mum and dad to show them some love! Though they are currently in Vietnam - Jealous! Cannot wait to see many of you in London in August to star in my next blog! Hoo Roo X

You don't need shoes in Darwin.

DARWIN. Named after the Great Charles Darwin. Naturalist, Biologist, philosopher of evolution or/ Charles Darwin, racist flogger of his grandfathers’ ideas who the Poms recently replaced on the £10 note due to his controversial stature? Whichever way you look at it, I’ve always found it intriguing. I personally think there’s a happy medium somewhere in the debate and have always found him to be great only for evolving his Grandfathers ideas on evolution (or transmutation) as his grandfather did not have the gusto to follow through on his findings.  I’ve also found the irony and hypocrisy of the naming of Darwin, a city supposedly founded in 1839 and named in 1869 fascinating. Darwin himself referred to the aboriginals as “savages”. Yet, they lived off the land some +50k years, so maybe he like me just sucked at using words in the right context and was merely using the term to describe the ability to live off the land and hunt alike animals?  

My reasoning for coming to Darwin and this Blog:

1)     I thought it prudent to travel, whilst I am still awaiting work so I don’t fall in to a lull and just decide I’m over it all and return back to London, or move to Hong Kong.

2)     I made a resolution that upon my return I would travel more around Australia and I had not yet been to the NT. 

3)     I have promised a number of you that I will continue my blog having moved home, so here it is, my time in Darwin outlined in a short blog with some accompanying pictures that can never ever convey the beauty of this place.

4)      A veiled excuse for visiting my good friend Candice.

My first thoughts arriving to a humid 100 degrees (true story in Fahrenheit) at 2am after an hour delay at Melbourne airport as I was on the cheapest bum of a time flight leaving Melbs at 9:30pm – OMG poor Candice picking me up and having to work the next day. But there she was in her big vehicle pulling over to give me a cuddle and greet me. We drove back to Palmerston where I was given a short briefing on keys and went to sleep with the air cond blasting. I woke up and had a walk to the local plaza where I discovered my life source for the next few days – flake Shake at the famed Wendy’s then followed it by a float and kindle in the apartment pool and before I knew it, Candice was home and I had met her lovely fiancé Rob and Candice and I were getting dressed in our best fitting flip flops to hit the town of Darwin. 

We Ubered in to the Oyster Bar at the Darwin central beach. Overrated and overpriced, I thought mum’s oysters at Christmas were nicer, but was satisfied with the bottle of Rosé we polished off whilst watching the sun retreat. After we headed in to town and to a pub called Rorkes where we had a cocktail and I managed to offend and befriend some new friends. We tapped out and tapped in to Monsoon’s which I was decidedly not drunk enough for. After some trial grinding I was over it, I was force drinking and decided the ambiance akin to the Traralgon Saloon bar sans light up dance floor was too much for me to handle at the tender age of 33. Rather, we walked down the street to Wisdom bar and boogied some more. I may or may not have got a kiss from a Darwin newby called Tim, who phantomed circa 1am as he had work at 6am. After deciding I could not drink anymore as I haven’t been drinking a great deal recently; I bought Candice more and started to drink water as we had a couple more drinks and mourning the loss of my ghosted new found friend we left c. 2am and caught an Ubes home. Our driver Gourav arrived in a Nissan Navarra ute- a certain first from the usual prius and played dance music enroute home. After initially demanding Maccas, Candice became mute and started snoozing. Turns, out as soon as we arrived home Miss G wasn’t feeling too well. I went to bed and passed out, waking up around 11am, with the worlds worst hangover. I thought initially I felt ok, but then having started vomiting, I just couldn’t stop.

We headed to breaky at 2:30pm to a place called Sandbar, while I tried to teach myself to eat again and successfully keep it down, to a big fat fail. When we discovered the local pool was shut we decided instead to head to see the crocs in town at Crocasauras. Considering we are both a little funny about Animals being in captivity, on a hangover seeing the large 5m beasts in action attacking chickens whilst people are in glass cages seemed the best way to see them. I was reminded of the time I wrote a letter to 60 minutes as I was so disgusted viewing a crocodile documentary at a park where they had taped closed the crocs mouths and removed their teeth so declined my initial desire to hold a baby salty for the tape closing the mouth reason also.

I noticed that I was constantly overdressed, as most people don’t wear shoes in Darwin. And not only must you be careful you don’t hit a Dingo with your car (we saw one - yay!) you need also to be careful of the indigenous wandering road side. We left there and headed to the world’s hottest pool on the way home in an attempt to cool off and then met Rob at the local Palmerston Club for dinner/ to check out if any of his workmates were of talent and interest to me. The latter was not the case and though the Parma did its best to recede the affects of hollowness from the night before, we decided to fight the torrential rain back to the car and head home. Initially I was awoken at 4am by Rob coming home from his night out then at 5am the honking of a horn that wouldn’t stop. Apparently the rowdy neighbours were having a lovers tiff. Nekminute I’m out on the balcony checking out the shenanigans and a still drunk Rob walks out in the nuddy to checkout the nonsense! I shyly rescinded back to the bedroom and back to sleep.

The next day was a new day, and feeling grateful that I was alive I cooked us a home cooked breaky
and we head off for Litchfield National Park. Two gals in a swim suit, fedoras and swanky shoulder bags and Candice looking very glam, took off in the big Ute vehicle waving hello to everyone we passed.

Litchfield was outstanding, we stopped off at all the little stops before stopping for a swim at the beautiful Florence falls. It was so beautiful, I don’t think a photo would ever do it justice. We stopped off for a couple more lookouts and waterfalls and had some precarious dips in the most pristine water I’d seen since Europe, but with croc warning signs added. We went in via Florence Falls and out via Berry Creek pub where we sat and watched as the rains came in (Marge).

The next day was my final one, and a chill day before my stupid o’clock houred flight home. I chilled by the pool and treated myself to Wendys walking via a petrified cat which had seen its demise some days ago, and now had its guts being eaten by maggots. I stood in wonder with my hand over my nose wondering how the couple on hoarders lived unknowingly with four petrified cats – for those that aren’t akin to indulging in shows such as Hoarders to make yourself feel better about yourself, here’s a sample for reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWY5xfhvjyI . After regrouping, heading home and being super happy for Candice to get home after work, we decided to walk to Coles and I would cook dinner- salmon, and salad, with coconut yoghurt. Very unlike me, but with the love handle growth of late, much required. I left Darwin happy that I had been and seen, but sad, leaving my mate for another period of time. Darwin, what a beaut, I’ll be back one day I think!