If ever there could be a defining moment of me as a bipolar,
it would be now. Not only do I feel like I have two lives across the other side
of the world, I am so toey and on edge about things, bored and underwhelmed and
somewhat overwhelmed also. I can’t work out if its because I’ve been a bit sick
lately, or if the lack of salt water and sun has finally torn me down, but this
lack of vitamin D and this pale white at mid-summer is definitely not agreeing
with me, I can’t stop thinking about my perfect place- somewhere between
Torquay, Melbourne and London. And I can’t work out if I’m as happy as Rolf
Harris in the 70’s or as sad as Mitch Clarke, whether I’m a Yaris (a cheap
hybrid) or a Tesla. Maybe it is just the weather thing, but at the moment I just
feel so detached. I feel like I’m on the new earth that’s just been discovered. Am I ok
and everyone else isn’t, or vice versa?
There are so many poignant moments in my life and I wonder
as I approach 30 (or as Girthy likes to refer; Dirty 30) if I have suddenly become a reflective person, or I am just being
melodramatic, but i can't help but wonder that when I had the choose your own adventure option, I just
chose the wrong way. What about dudes... Have I been too picky, or are they all
just dicks? Have I focused too much on experiences that I forgot I was getting
older and have left all that life stuff too late? Or instead of ‘seizing the
moment’ have I just been running from it? Whatever it is, I have hit the age
where I can’t tell anymore whether people are generally interested or just
taking the piss… after all we all know how entertaining I can be or maybe i'm just taking the piss! Conversely, I
am a self-proclaimed opportunist- the first to give 100%, or jump on board some
spontaneous idea – anyone keen for a short flight and some sun tanning action
this weekend??
I’m in this transient state with two lives across opposite
sides of the globe. Even when I made a phone call the other day I was using a hybrid
of the English phonetic language and the Aussie ‘Wheel of fortune based phonetic
alphabet;’ ‘B is for Boris, O is for
Orange, R for Romeo, T is for Tango. I was relieved when I called Australia and
the lady on the receiving end said ‘S for Sugar.’ People have started to notice
me in my transient state, which when I’m depressed doesn’t happen until I’ve
got drunk and made an absolute dick of myself. Telling my mate his step dad has
hairy shoulders, or me overindulging in Berlin, waking up with a ‘100 year
hangover’ and vomiting in a recycling bin- although are quite low points in my
life, however do not qualify as I’m mostly happy. I’m just either too happy or
in a bad mood. Actually a colleague rang me last night and said (although
jokingly) that he doesn’t think he will be able to cope if my bad mood
continues. And a colleague just now, I tore his head off once he enquired how I
was, literally forgetting that that’s what all English people do ‘ya right?’ ‘you
ok?’ gahhhh, most annoying question!!! “I’M FINE here on my newly discovered
Earth planet!” 
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