My mould was made at plaster fun house!

As its circa International women’s day I’ve decided to write an opinion piece on what its like to be a woman that is loud, outspoken, opinionated (and mostly always right)/ ME.

At Uni us girls accounted for 5% of course participants. At my first job outside of uni, women made up 0.0065% - there was Amy Pitchford and I, the site secretary Mary, one plumber called Sharon, and 800 men onsite daily. I was the first point of call at 7am inducting guys onsite which was generally a shock to their system. I was told early on that I had to choose family or a career…  I would like to have both, so I just need to earn enough money to afford a nanny (or manny) if I choose to one day have a family. I won’t compromise. My career has helped me form a thick skin. I have been belittled and treated so badly it has made me question myself, and my ability. One project manager once told me at a site BBQ my job was to stand at the bread and make sure the boys didn’t take too many bread rolls. I told him I hadn’t done 4 years at uni to stand guard at a bread stand and proceeded to be first in line, grabbed two bread rolls and my sausage first.

My biggest regret was crying in front of my dictator boss when asking for my pay to be looked at, I haven’t asked for a pay review since. The reason I find it difficult to be a chick, is the hormones that come with it- it makes me feel like I am losing control and for a control freak, that is often too much to handle. I’ve suffered from panic attacks and anxiety since my uni days. Its generally hormonal, combined with stress and some other trigger points- sometimes illness or death. Most of the time it creeps up on me, and I only notice when I I become withdrawn, sad, and begin to hit the bottle. Thankfully, I have learnt to identify it and usually only get one good alcohol fuelled performance before I reign it in. I am quite strong willed, and luckiliy not an addictive person, so I give up booze for a period until I’m healthy again. I also go and get a tuning every now and then at the psychologist, try and eat healthier, and exercise more, I have also found that watching a film like ‘Hotel Rwanda’, visiting sick people in hospital or volunteering at homeless or refugee centres helps put me in perspective. It is important for me to realise at times like that how lucky I am and that my problems are minute comparatively.The industry suits me down to a tee, I think I am a weak person, and feel it strengthens me. It makes me hold my own, not only managing men, but being managed by men. I’ve never been directly managed by a woman. So it is with great strength and certainty that I can conclude that often, men aren’t very good at management. They generally aren’t intuitive. Like tonight, a dude i work with thought I would be able to read his mind and know what he wanted and then completely re- wrote something I’d submitted- even though I thought I hadn’t done a bad job. I knew when I was enroute home I would have an email from him when I got home- and I did (thankfully they are also stupidly predictable). I have a very confident exterior so it may surprise you that I second guess myself often. This year is a big one for me – dirty thirty!! I couldn’t feel so much more accomplished, and so much underachieved at the same time. I have spent the last 10 or so years applying so much pressure on myself I have never had nails, when I am really stressed I get IBS and a twitchy eye. I know it sounds gross but I don’t think people usually talk about those sorts of things. I feel guilty and mull over most things, thinking I am stupid if there is a mistake (a la tonight)....  Funnily enough- most people are too embroiled in their own lives to notice when I’m mental. I also suffer from ­(self diagnosed) imposter syndrome. I have my house in Torquay, but I would’ve liked to have two. I have travelled nearly 40 countries and so many more planned, but feel like I should’ve seen more. I’m living my bucket list… and still struggle to convince myself I have done enough for my age. I could happily give or take my career, which I still think I have fluked.

My most poignant upload is the picture of Princess Di sticking her finger up with the phrase ‘Well behaved women rarely make history.’ In fact this represents some of the women I admire most; Including the late Princess Di herself, Emily Roebling - who taught herself engineering and finished the Brooklyn Bridge, my old housemate Carolyn Tan who designed the flappy wing bits on Boeing 787’s whilst raising her young family, even though I don’t rate them, Iron Lady Margaret Thatcher and Old Jilly Gilly (who although I rarely agreed with), I admire that they held their own in a male dominated, egotistical position and had more balls than most men.

I’ve never lived my life conforming or with compliance. I was at secondary school listening to a motivational speech by the late Jim Stynes. It was the furtherest thing from motivational I have ever witnessed. Everyone was banging on about all their problems and it was just making everyone sad. Not many people know this, but I watched a good friend slowly be taken by cancer at a very young age. Her motto was “Live for today, learn from yesterday, and dream of tomorrow.” She died just before her 21^st birthday, having fought so couragesly for 10 years. I struggled sitting there listening to private school kids whinging about their parents making them become lawyers or similar first world problems, so  I put my hand and asked to be excused.  when he asked why I wanted to leave I said “I am lucky, I have grown up free, I go to a private school, If I died today, I would say I have had a good life.’ He said he had never heard that from someone of my age, so let me leave.

Behavioural studies, self awareness courses, a palm reading, tarot cards and head readings, the odd self help book on occasion (the problem I have is most of the time they just reiterate what I already know!) all just add to the confusion. In fact, if you read about me, you’ll realise what I’ve known for quite some time. I am not normal. In fact, my mould is unique. When god created me with my long legs, short torso and toe thumbs, he broke the mould.

I am prolifically honest to my own detriment. That line that people mostly draw, is shifted outward for me. In fact one new years resolution I decided to try and be nicer to people, and I ended up making a man cry circa mid Jan. The problem I have is that there is no ‘know when to lie’ filter. I just say how it is, or at least how I think it is. That line I draw, that shifts for me, has been there creeping forward for nearly thirty years. I get encouraged by shock treatment and have always done so. Some of my fondest memories are of mum grabbing my leg under the table prompting me to shut up; it would only encourage me more. Most recently I wrote a generic Facebook post, that someone thought was specific to them, and I got battered in a status back, saying if I didn’t like what I saw then I should unfollow or delete them. The irony was if I wasn’t tagged in the rhetorical status, I wouldn’t have seen it as I had already unfollowed them. Not because I don’t like them, but because everyone has different interests and mine is not babies…and hers is not seeing me with my “manly face” in a bikini apparently. Just yesterday I told a colleague at work that I liked that he had cut his beard as he was starting to look like a jihadi…. back handed complements are my speciality.

It wasn’t until 2009 travelling the world that I realised I didn’t need much, all I had was in my backpack. My 13kg of belongings, I could take them anywhere, travel the world, surround my self with my friends, still call and speak with loved ones, but be a recluse when I wanted.  Rarely people identify me as someone who likes spending time on my own.

I’m not certain what lies in the future. I stopped dreaming about the future when I was very little. I thought id be married with kids at 27 at the latest. 27 came and went. I have new goals, mostly ‘what country will I travel to next?’ Rather than find someone and settle down, I would like to find someone that can keep up!!! I am great when I am in love. The other day I was so happy to be in London I was literally skipping down the road and I’m not even in love at the moment, so imagine how awesome my mood is when I am! It takes me so long to realise though, by the time I have, the dude is completely over it, has moved on and I end up heartbroken and having to move countries just to avoid them (2:1).

I think constantly, even in my sleep. I joke about marrying well and retiring, but know if I do I would be awesome- chairing all the charity boards, and volunteering my spare time to things I enjoy and won’t actually do nothing. I’m too socially ambitious. My friends are my personal measure of success.  I’ve accidentally built my own little independent empire. Although I could easily live without a dude, I don’t want to. I think it’s taken me until now to realise that I may not live out my days as per the norm- get married, have kids, live happily ever after. I don’t see the point of wearing a white dress and saying I want to spend the rest of my life with someone- what if I get bored?  I might wear a coloured dress (my mother wore blue!) and have a party. Or I may want to spend it with someone, or many someone’s (polygamy= I doubt, but hey- it’s an option), I might live out my end of days with my best mate Laura and our adopted greyhounds or with my mate Catarina as I often joke out in the country with a thatched cottage (her daughter Amelie recently drew a picture of her house, mummy’s house, dad’s house and Simone’s!), I might have children with a gay friend (wow that came out loud). I might move to Germany, stay here, or move back to Australia. Who knows? …. I may even wear a white dress.  

Fast Facts:

-            Virgo/ Ox: Independent, Loyal, straight talking, hardworking.'Being dictatorial or opinionated are the two only real weaknesses in the Virgo Ox personality. Virgo presents a calm and collected exterior but on the inside, nervous uncontrolled intensity in the mind, trying to figure things out, how to improve everything, analyzing and thinking. Virgo has a constant drive to improve and perfect, this can lead to extreme pickiness and finickiest. They are pure, their motives are honest never malicious and they want to accomplish something.”

-            Extrovert, Strong Activist

-            My name means ‘She Who Listens’

-            I use both my Left and Right side of my brain equally however am not ambidextrous

-            IQ = 136

-            I rarely talk about work and detest talking about work, unless you have an awesome job and I am in awe of how smart you are (like Geoffrey Rush, Kevin McLeod) and request that you talk about work i.e. immunologist, pilot or my French housemate that studies brains etc.

-            I love cranes, planes, screw piling rigs and bicycles.

-            My favourite band is Metallica.

-            I had three jobs at 15 and used to wag school every Wednesday because I had Math and English and found it easy, so took driving lessons and worked instead.

-            I wanted to be a nun when I was little (because I watched Sister Act and liked their outfits), and still love Jesus more than most people. Except my family and friends who are my utmost.

-          My friends nicknamed me Simonia because I have had pneumonia three times, equalled only by salmonella and I’m an asthmatic and allergic to penicillin (don’t forget, cos I always do!)

-            I could run, swim and ride forever, except I get bored, so choose to never do more than spurts of 6kms, 1km and 10kms respectively.

-            I talk to my bike. And think he has a soul.

Happy International Woman’s day ladies, we’ve come a long way- and we still have a long way to go. #beheard.